A New Life of Randomness
by Riku's Dark Vampire Girl
Summary: The aftermath of my Advent Children spoof. After reviving the SHM, things are going to be different with Cloud and the others.
1. Chapter 1

And so, this is the aftermath...enjoy!

So, after the big hubba baloo at the church and almost everybody having to pick Bahamut and throw him into the ocean (Where else could they put him?), Avalanche had to deal with their problems, or something. Since Kadaj was still alive, thanks to Cloud's stupidity and my craziness about him, he was going to live with Cloud and Tifa. Other people had other problems, but who cares about them? They're gonna die eventually, so on with the show!

"So what have we learned?" Tifa asks. "Never to be a bad guy again" Kadaj, Loz, and Yazoo answered at the same time. (A few weeks ago after the inccident, Kadaj had found a small box of phoenix downs in Cloud's medicine cabinet, so he revived Yazoo and Loz. Even though this didn't happen in my story, but oh well). "What else have we learned?" Tifa asks. "Shooting somebody in the butt can have bad affects" they answer together. "Good boys" Tifa smiles. "How long have we been here?" Cid groans. "About, 24 hours" Vincent checks the clock on the wall. "More like forever! How long can surgery take?" Yuffie complains. "Calm down, woman!" Cait points. "I'll go fix his problem, just let me in there!" Yuffie gets up with the conformer and prepares to barge in the ER doors, but Barret and Cid hold her back. "He's been in enough pain, I don't think he needs anymore" Tifa laughs nervously. Screams of pain can be heard from the door along with drilling sounds. Everybody stares in horror at the door. "What can they _do_ in surgery?" Barret asks. "Ask Tifa" Cait points to her. "I may have had surgery, but never _that _type of surgery" Tifa pouts. Finally, a man in a white lab coat comes out of the doors and walks over to them. "It was a success" he smiles. "Finally!" Yuffie sighs. "Though I suggest he doesn't sit down for a while. He's going to be sore for a long time" he puts both of his hands behind his back.

"Well, lets see him" Barret smiles. Out of the doors, Cloud walks out, looking like he was in severe pain and misery. That's right, everybody was waiting for Cloud to get his butt surgery over with (In my fanfic, he got hit in the butt with a spark, bullet, and something else but I can't remember). "Sooooo?" Cait asks. "Don't look at it!" Cloud yells. "Look at what?" Vincent asks. The doctor turns him around to reveal that Cloud is wearing a butt cast (Like that's real!). It makes his butt look at least 2 times bigger than it was before. Everybody bursts out laughing, except Vincent, because he's too cool and sexy. "I said, SHUT UP!" Cloud yells so the whole world can hear him. The whole world is silent. "Thank you" Cloud smiles. "Just get some rest good buddy" the doctor slaps his butt. "AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Cloud screams even louder than he was before. -In the Sierra- "This is so embarassing" Cloud shakes his head. "Which one? You being in the cast or being slapped in the butt by the gay doctor?" Yuffie laughs. "I just want to see Zack right now" Cloud sobs. "He's on vacation, remember?" Tifa asks. "I don't care!" Cloud stomps his foot. "Where's Red?" Cid asks as he starts the Sierra. "Taking care of his cubs" Vincent goes over to his little corner. "Brother, are you going to be okay?" Kadaj asks (He's a little nicer). "No, how can I go to the bathroom? How can I sit down? How can I change my underwear?" he falls to his knees. Everybody takes a step back.

After a long time of Cloud's 'how can i?' and 'how do i?' they make it back to Midgar. "Okay, we're gonna make some ground rules" Cloud stands in front of Loz, Kadaj, and Yazoo. "First off, no more evil!" Cloud points. "WHAT!" they scream at the same time. "No more. With my butt like this, I can't put my sword in my rear sword holder (Directly on his butt). "Second, you follow my rules" Cloud stomps his foot. "Shouldn't that have been first?" Yazoo asks. "Third rule, don't correct my stupidness!" Cloud points to Yazoo. "Number floor, when I say jump, you're gonna ask 'how high?'" Cloud smashes his fist into his palm. "What, Cloud means is, just follow our rules and you'll be fine" Tifa gets in front of him. "Okay" they all say at the same time. "What're you guys still doin on my ship? Get off!" Cid kicks them off. Luckily, they had parachutes, but Cloud was screaming all the way down because he had no parachute and he got kicked in the butt (I said they were at Midgar, I didn't say they were in Midgar). And so, they're little world of randomness begun...


	2. Who Stole the Cookie from the Cookie Jar

This chapter will be longer

"So we have to live here?" Loz asks. "Exactly" Yazoo nods. "Where do we sleep?" Kadaj asks. "In our rooms" Yazoo nods again. "Where is our room?" Kadaj raises an eyebrow. "I have no idea" Yazoo shakes his head. They're sitting in the kitchen with a bunch of kids around them. "It's like an ocean of children!" Loz shrieks. "It's an orphanage. They're supposed to be an ocean of kids, besides you've been with kids before" Yazoo looks at some kid hanging from the ceiling fan. "But, brother never told us how many kids we would be living with!" Kadaj shakes one off his hair. "Is this what they meant by Advent Children?" Loz takes out a sucker. "Candy!" all the kids charge over to him. "Brothers! Help me!" Loz starts to drown in the sea. "He was a good brother" Kadaj shakes his head. "May his spirit live on" Yazoo closes his eyes sadly. "Okay! Who wants to go to the beach?" Tifa comes in wearing a bikini and carrying some beach equipment. "I do!" all the kids cheer as Kadaj and Yazoo cover their ears. "This way!" Tifa leads them out the door. "Hey, I can see the floor" Kadaj touches the ground. "And I got the feeling back in my legs" Yazoo smiles. "You guys never help me!" Loz gets up. "You're a grown man" Kadaj sighs.

Denzel walks in and looks around. "You guys know where the cookie jar is?" he asks. "What a cookie jar?" Loz asks. "A jar that holds cookies" Denzel walks over to the cupboard. He opens it and takes out a jar of cookies. "You guys should snag one before Yuffie comes" Denzel takes one and puts the jar back. After walking away, the brothers turn to each other. "Should we get one?" Loz asks. "No, we can't do any evil" Yazoo shakes his head. "Why not?" Kadaj asks. "Because, there're witnesses" Yazoo whispers. They look around to find Vincent, Cloud, Cait, Cid, and Barret watching them. "Then how did Denzel get away with it? And how did you guys get here so fast?" Kadaj asks. "Took the subway" Vincent answers. "We'll be going now" Yazoo slowly walks out of the kitchen. "I think I hear Mother calling" Kadaj runs out after him. "Wait for me!" Loz runs behind them. "So, now what do we do?" Kadaj sits in the backyard (Do they even have one?). "We sit out here until they leave" Yazoo answers. "But this is boring, I want to go back to being evil!" Loz whines. "We owe a debt to brother. If he didn't revive me, we wouldn't be here right now" Kadaj rolls onto his back. "Do you remember how old we are?" Loz asks out of random. "I dunno, I'm in my 20's, you're same as me, and Kadaj is 17" Yazoo answers (It's amazing that Loz is in his twenties and he's a crybaby).

"Why do you ask?" Kadaj asks. "Just wanted to know" Loz shrugs. Kadaj automatically takes out a Gravitation manga and begins to read (I love that manga! I already read all 12 and I still want to read more!). "Where'd you get that from?" Yazoo walks over to him. "Found it in Mr. Valentine's cape pocket" he answers as he turns the page. "What's it about?" Loz asks. "Well..." he starts. -A few minutes later- "And that's it" Kadaj closes the book. "That Yuki guy looks cute" Yazoo thinks. "Lets go get a cookie now" Kadaj gets up, completely forgetting about the rules. "Yeah" the others agree. They walk in, open the jar and take a cookie. "These are good" Kadaj smiles. "What do you think they're made out of?" Yazoo asks. "I thought you were supposed to be the smart one" Loz smirks. "Shut up you jack-" Yazoo automatically falls to the ground. "Brother!" Kadaj falls to his brother's side. Looking closely, he sees that there's a dart stuck in his back. "Uh, oh" Kadaj trembles. "What's-" Loz falls to the ground with a dart in his side. Kadaj slowly looks to the side to see a dart come straight at his face. He dodges it and picks Loz and Yazoo up. "Was this part of living here?" he runs out the door. A dart shoots by his ear, causing him to run faster.

"What's wrong with these people? All we did was steal a cookie!" Kadaj turns the corner to the church. He looks behind him to see a huge dart coming towards him. He trips and nearly dodges the dart. "Oh, gosh" he sighs in relief, but is shot in the shoulder with one. "Why?" he moans and then falls unconcious. "Did we really have to go this far?" Vincent walks over to them. "Hey, they steal a valuable cookie, they pay the price" Cloud walks over and picks them up. "You're an idiot" Vincent rolls his eyes. "At least I'm not a freak in a cereal box" Cloud laughs. Vincent hisses and picks Yazoo up. -Elsewhere for some odd reason- "So, how do you like your new office?" Rude asks. "It's nice, but you could have put your backs in it more!" the dude (You know, the dude in the wheelchair who I won't reveal the guy's real name) crosses his arms. "Hey, we're working as hard as we can, yo" Reno puts a can of paint down on his desk. "Whatever, you guys should be more like Elena. Look how happy she looks" the dude points to Elena who's putting a sign inside the office. "This is fun! You guys should work harder like me and Tsengy" she smiles. "I know you didn't just call me that" Tseng nails a window into the wall. "Well, this is a new age people! This is, Neo Midgar!" the dude cheers. "More like Neo needs to be in the Matrix" Rude mumbles. "Shut it, cueball!" the dude points at him. "Quit making fun of my head!" Rude rubs his bald head. "Get out of our tree house!" some kid yells. "Finders keepers!" the dude yells down.

-Back at Cloud's house- "So, you stole a cookie?" Cloud shines a light on the three of them in a dark room. "Yes" Yazoo sighs. "And you tried to get away with it?" Cloud asks. "Yes" Kadaj nods his head. "You've commited evil in this house!" Cloud stomps his foot. "We said we were sorry" Loz looks up at him. "Sorry won't do it!" Cloud takes out a bottle of water. "May you do evil no more!" he squirts it at them. "What're you doing?" Tifa comes in and turns on the light of the bathroom. "They stole some cookies!" Cloud points and whines. "So, we got like, 4 hundred because we know how you overeact about your cookies" Tifa puts her hands on her hips. "But, those ones were special" Cloud begins to cry. "What a crybaby" Loz rolls his eyes. "You're one to talk" Yazoo nudges him. "Quit being mean to me!" Loz begins to cry.

"Oh come on, Cloud! Even I've stolen a cookie from the cookie jar" Tifa pulls a cookie out of her pocket. "So YOU stole the cookie from the cookie jar!" Cloud points. "Who me?" Tifa smiles. "Yes, you!" Cloud stomps his foot. "Couldn't be!" Tifa laughs. "Then who?" Cloud shrugs. "Can we please stop this before we all go mad!" Yazoo shouts. "Yeah, Loz is starting to have one of his episodes" Kadaj tries to wiggle out of the rope. The camera turns to Loz, who's starting to throw a fit over being tied to a chair, thinking his lungs are being crushed, and that everybody is making fun of him. "Look, Cloud. I'll make you a Vincent and Zack plushie if you untie the boys" Tifa smiles sweetly. "Weeeeeelllllll, okay!" Cloud starts to untie the boys. "How did you get so much boxes for brother?" Kadaj plops to the floor (That would hurt!). "We had to buy them" Tifa gives Cloud her cookie. "Can we have some money?" Loz wipes the tears off his face. "Sure, but you have to earn it" Tifa answers. "What do we have to do?" Yazoo stretches. "Well..." Tifa thinks. Just what will they have to do? And what's up with Neo Midgar being in a treehouse? Find out in the next chapter!


	3. Lessons of the Wheel

Maybe the last chapter wasn't so funny, but I'm tryin!

"Why do I have to do this again?" Kadaj looks next to him to where Cloud stands. "Because, you're going to earn money, remember?" Cloud answers. "Oh, right" Kadaj looks back at the item infront of him. "So, what do I do?" Kadaj asks. "You're going to learn from your instructor" Cloud answers. The Sierra flies overhead and Cid drops from it with a gym bag. "I'll right, where is the little #$#!" Cid asks. "Here's your student" Cloud puts his hand behind Kadaj. "He doesn't look 17, he looks more of a 15 or something" Cid examines Kadaj. "But, I am" Kadaj smiles. "Can we just get this over with! I got my cast off a few days ago and I haven't sat down since!" Cloud shouts. "Alright, sore butt. I'm gonna teach you how to drive" Cid takes the cigarette out of his mouth and throws it to the ground.

"First, we're gonna give you the written test" Cid pulls out a pencil and a piece of paper from his bag. "Answer these correctly and we'll be on the road in no time" he hands them to Kadaj. "Okay" Kadaj sets the piece of paper on the top of the car roof and begins to write. "Why do I need to drive? I can already drive a motorcycle!" Kadaj thinks as he writes. "Done" he hands the paper to Cid. "Well, kid all I can say is that they're all wrong" Cid looks at the paper. "Wha?" Kadaj trembles. "I'm just messin with ya!" Cid ruffles his hair. "Heh, heh, heeeh yeah right" Kadaj mumbles under his breath. Cid gets into the passenger seat, Cloud sits in the back seat and Kadaj sits in the driver's seat. "Okay, check your mirrors first" Cid instructs. Kadaj sticks his head out the window and adjusts his mirror. "Next, put your seatbelt on" Cid buckles his seatbelt. Both him and Cloud buckle their seatbelts. "Next, put the keys in the ignition" Cid points to a keyhole. "Keys? Where are the keys? You didn't give me any" Kadaj shake his head. Cid looks inside his pockets, but can't find a key. "I'll be right back" Cid gets out of the car. "Do I really need to learn how to drive a car? I can drive a motorcycle just fine" Kadaj lays back in his seat. "You need to do what?" Cloud asks. "Nevermind, brother" Kadaj looks out the window. A few hours or minutes later, Cid comes back with a giant key and Sora clinging to his arm. "Sorry I took so long" Cid throws Sora in the back with Cloud and sticks the key into the ignition (How can it fit?). "What're we doing again?" Sora asks. "Driving test" Kadaj answers. "This should be good" Sora buckles his seatbelt. "Both hands on the wheel" Cid directs. Kadaj sets both of his hands onto the wheel and puts his foot to the pedal. "Now give it a small push" Cid says gently. Instead, Kadaj pushes it hard and swirves from left to right in the road. "Stop!" Cid yells.

Kadaj stops immediately and turns to him. "I said small push, not a push that can get us killed!" Cid yells. "I'm sorry" Kadaj looks down. "Whatever, lets just try this again" Cid sighs. "Now give it a small push" Cloud groans. Kadaj gently pushes the pedal and drives easily. "Now what?" Kadaj asks. "We're coming to the first turn. "Carefully begin to turn right" Cid motions his hand to turn right. Kadaj steers right, but pushes the pedal to hard and crashes into the obstacle. "Are you deaf!" Cid yells. "Sorry" Kadaj looks down. "Well, I guess this is a good time to teach you how to back up" Cid sighs. "Put it in reverse" Cid points to the handle thingie. Kadaj grabs it and puts it into reverse. "Now CAREFULLY, back up" Cid warns him. "Hey dad, are you gonna teach me how to drive?" Sora asks. "If we don't get killed, than yes" Cloud answers. Kadaj starts out slow while backing up, but then speeds up and crashes into the wall behind him. "Oops" he looks back at the damaged wall. "Nevermind, just get back onto the coarse!" Cid slaps his forehead. Kadaj goes forward and back onto the coarse. "Now it's very important to watch out for pedestrians" Cid explains. "What's a pedestrian?" Kadaj tries to drive forward. "They're the stupid people who cross the road when the crossguard says not to" Cloud answers. "Don't you do that?" Sora looks up at Cloud. "You're grounded" Cloud points. A few feet away, Reeve can be seen in a crossguard uniform helping the Turks cross the road.

"Here's your chance to try the breaks out" Cid points to the pedal next to the gas. "Which one?" Kadaj looks down. "Keep your eyes on the road!" Cid slaps him upside the head. "You were showing me which one's the break" Kadaj sighs. They come closer to the crossing and keep speeding up as well. "Break now" Cid says. Kadaj pushes the break, but nothing happens. "I said break!" Cid starts to get annoyed. "I'm pushing it, but nothing's happening!" Kadaj stomps on it. "Cloud, did you put in a break?" Cid looks back at him. "Oh, put in a break? I thought you said take a break" Cloud says. "You didn't put in a #$#! break!" Cid yells. "What do I do now?" Kadaj starts to swirve on the road. "Drive away!" Cid yells. The Turks (Who happen to be walking really slow) look over and see the car speeding toward them. "They're running us down!" Elena starts to run with the others away from the car. "Get out of the road!" Sora yells out the window. The Turks split up into different directions, but Rude is still being chased. "I'm too bald to die!" he yells. "Prove to the Turks what you're made of!" Reno yells. "Then why don't you come over here?" Rude starts to slow down. As he sprints, he trips. "Bumpy road out today" Cloud says as the car drives over Rude. "Take your foot off the pedal!" Cid yells as Kadaj drives off the course. He does and the car keeps driving. "What the hell?" Cid yells grabing hold of the wheel. "I thought I was supposed to be driving!" Kadaj grabs hold even tighter.

"Not any more!" Cid pulls it right. "But I'm the student!" Kadaj pulls harder to the left when it suddenly breaks off. "Oops" he holds up the wheel. "Who's up for screaming?" Sora raises his hand. They start to scream as the car goes out of control. They all of a sudden go into the town. "Get out of the road!" Sora yells as it swirves out of control. People are being hit and ran over by the car while others are being run down. "Oh well" Sora shrugs. "People really haven't been to the gym lately" Cloud shakes his head. "When will it stop?" Kadaj asks. "When it hits something!" Cid stomps onto the break. It automatically goes onto the highway and drives against the edge. "Pretty sparks" Cloud smiles. "You idiot!" Cid slaps him. "Have you ever wondered why they haven't finished this road?" Sora asks. "Oh yeah, they haven't finished it" Cloud remembers. "On the count of three, we tuck and roll!" Cid unlocks their doors. "Just like in the movies!" Sora cheers. "One" Two" THREE!" They all open their doors and tuck and roll out the sides. The car drives around wildly before driving off the road and into the air. It explodes and comes crashing down onto an old man. "Everybody okay?" Cid asks. "I think so. Lets do it again!" Sora cheers. "I don't think we can now" Kadaj gets up. "I just get my butt cast off and now what do I get? Ripped up clothes!" Cloud complains. "So, do I earn anything?" Kadaj asks. "Here's 10 Gil" Cid hands him some money. "Why does he get money? He almost got us killed!" Cloud walks over to them.

"To tell you the truth, I've never driven before" Cid takes out a cigarette. "What?" Cloud raises an eyebrow. "I've never driven a car in my life, I only know what the things are in there for" Cid shrugs. "So you came here, to teach Kadaj how to drive, even though you didn't know how to either?" Cloud tries to put things in order. "Yep" Cid nods. Cloud hits his head repeatedly in frustration. "Whatever. I'm going home. See ya next week" Cid walks back down the highway. "Yes! I just scored 10 Gil!" Kadaj cheers with the victory theme in the background. "Hey! That's my theme!" Cloud yells.

-Elsewhere- "So, how was your first assignment?" the dude asks. "We almost got hit by a car, but we got it" Reno nods. "Is it the correct one?" the dude asks. "Yep" Tseng answers. "Yay!" the dude cheers as he's handed a puppy. "Now we have a mascot!" he holds it up with the victory theme behind him. "Quit stealing my theme!" Cloud yells. "So, why are we in a treehouse again?" Rude walks in with his arm in a sling and head wrapped up. "Because! This is cheaper and almost resembles our old HQ" the dude explains. "It's right next the orphanage, sir" Tseng points out the window to the Seventh Heaven being right next to them. "Shut up! There are witnesses" the dude whispers. "Get out of our treehouse!" Denzel yells. "Drop the missile!" the dude yells. Elena drops a water balloon onto his head. "I'm telling!" Denzel runs into the house.


	4. What's on TV?

On to part 3!

"What could I do for money?" Yazoo looks up at the sky while walking all over the dead people Kadaj ran over. "So many things to do, yet most not my type" he thinks. "I need some money!" he falls to his knees and screams to the sky. "Why're you talking to me?" a cloud moves away. "That was awkward" he gets up. A piece of paper flies into his face. "What the he-hey!" he reads it. 'Need a job or some money? Want to be famous for what you can do? Then come on down to the Midgar Studios!' it reads. "Must be fate" he runs over some dead people to down town.

"So, you want to be in your own commercial and be with some celebrities, huh?" the director asks. "Yes" Yazoo nods. "First, a test. What's your name?" "Yazoo" "Where ya from?" "Northern Crater" "Ever been on T.V. before?" he asks. Yazoo thinks back for a while. -Before Advent Children- "Teletubbies! Say hello!" Cloud is singing along with the T.V. "We inturrupt this program for aAAAAAAHHHHHH!" the news guy is tackled by one of those Barney singing monsters. "Hello, world! We are the SHM!" Kadaj grabs hold of the mic and sits on the desk. "We're coming to Midgar to cause trouble!" Loz holds up a lego set of Midgar and smashes it. "And we're stronger than that pansy Cloud Strife!" Yazoo laughs. "So you better watch out for the death of your lives, or something like that!" Kadaj points. "Oh, and we're cancelling the Teletubbies!" Yazoo rips up a Teletubbie doll. "And now, back to your suffering enjoyment of this!" Kadaj kicks the camera and leaves nothing but static. "No more Teletubbies?" Cloud begins to cry. -Back to the present time- "Um, no" Yazoo lies. "You got the job!" the director shakes his hand. "Your first assignment," the director guy walks down the hall with him "Is to do a scene with miss Yuna" he finishes. "Okay, thank you, um, what's your name again?" Yazoo asks. "Joe Mama" he answers. "What the hell?" Yazoo thinks. "How about I call you Joe?" Yazoo laughs nervously. "That's what everybody else calls me" Joe smiles.

"Lets go people!" the director's assitant directs people. "This Yazoo guy is going to be in a dance scene with Yuna and I want you to teach him the steps" Joe walks up with Yazoo to the assitant. "It's not that hard, just follow Yuna" he smiles. "Who's Yuna?" Yazoo asks. "She is" they both point to Yuna in her summoner outfit talking to some dude. "See ya on the stage!" she waves and then walks off. "Follow her and you'll be fine!" Joe pats him on the back. "So, where do I go now?" Yazoo asks. "Right over here" they lead him to a hot air balloon. "All you have to do is stay there, and when we're ready, we'll drop the bottom and you'll land on the stage" Joe answers. "Is this safe?" Yazoo looks down at the nearly broken bottom. "Of course it is!" Joe lifts him into it. "Don't touch the leather!" Yazoo points. "Ready people!" the assitant yells. The balloon lifts into the air above the stage. People can be heard cheering and killing each other in the seats (When you're that excited, what else can ya do?). "That's alot of people" Yazoo gulps. "Annnnnnddddd, action!" Joe yells. The stage starts to glow brightly as Yuna walks onto the stage. As she changes clothes (Imagine if dress spheres were real? We could change almost everywhere!), the basket begins to break. Once she's fully done changing, the bottom breaks and Yazoo comes down. "Look out!" he yells, but it's too late because he just crushed her and she rolled off the stage. "Oh man, I'm gonna get fired" Yazoo thinks. He sees the microphone on the ground picks it up as he gets up. "Might as well" he shrugs. "Stop rolling!" the Joe whispers to the assitant. "We can't, it's live T.V." the other answers.

"Um, hi" Yazoo nervously waves his hand. Some fangirls in the audience start to freak out. "Um, I'm going to sing, uh, Ready, Steady, Go" he blushes. "How cute!" some fangirl falls out of her seat. The music changes from Real Emotion to Ready Steady Go. "Ready steady can't hold me back. Ready steady give me good luck. Ready steady never look back. Lets get ready steady go!" Yazoo sings even better than that one guy who sings it. -In Midgar- "Brother! Brother's on T.V.!" Kadaj points. "Who is?" Cloud walks in with his old clothes with the land mine on his shoulder (It really does look like a mine). "Yazoo and he sings really good!" Kadaj turns up the T.V. "How come he gets to be on T.V.?" Cloud pouts. -At Wutai- How'd that silver haired materia stealer get on the tube?" Yuffie shouts. "Come back here with my T.V.!" an old lady is chasing her with a frying pan. "Kokoro wa (hashiru) ano sora no shita karamawari suru kimonchi ga sakebi dasu no o tomerarenai! Kimi made (todoke) kitto ato sukoshi atsuku hizashi ga terasu kono michi no mukou! Ready steady go! Please. Trust me!" Yazoo finishes. The crowd is going wild (especially the fangirls) over Yazoo's performance. "Thank you" he smiles nervously at the crowd. He goes off the stage and over to the director. "That was fabulous! Even Yuna couldn't do that!" Joe cheers. "My brother taught me how to sing" Yazoo looks down at the microphone. "Unfortunately, we can't have you do that again" Joe sobs. "Why not?" Yazoo tilts his head to the side. "Because, Yuna didn't enjoy it" he answers nervously with Yuna standing angrily right behind him. "But, I've got a better job for you!" the assitant leads him to another studio.

Yazoo is at a store in the men's isle. "Lets see, some new colonge" he looks at the different types there are. He picks a certain cool looking one up. "Sword body spray, huh?" he reads it (I bet you know what happens next). He looks around to see if anybody's watching and takes off the cap and begins to spray it on him. In a nearby isle, some women and fangirls catch the scent. One of them goes into the men's isle and charges at Yazoo. "Is this supposed to happen?" he thinks. He jumps and watches the girl fall to the floor. Another whips him on the ankle and brings him down. He grabs hold of it and whips her to the wall. Some weird fanguy comes along, but he just shoots him. "Warning: New Sword body spray may attract fangirls, mobs, cute animals, and maybe fanguys. This is not to be blamed on us unless you're okay with it, than you can totally blame it on us. We're good like that!" some weird voice says. "Show yourself!" Yazoo points his gun at the ceiling. -At the orphanage- "Hmmm, I wonder if I tried that on me, maybe Zack and Vincent would like me more!" Cloud gets up off the couch. He runs out the door and onto his motorcycle. -Back at the studio- "That was great!" the assitant we'll call Bob cheers. "Thanks, but what I'd like to know is, was that fanboy part of the act?" Yazoo looks back at the dead fanguy. "Actually, that was one of our crew. We tried to hold him back, but oh well" Bob shrugs. "Onto the next commercial!" Bob points to the next studio.

Yazoo is walking on the sidewalk to nowhere in particular. "I could use some gum right about now" he pulls out a packet of Revolving gum. "As you can see, another citizen wants to try new Revolving gum. The gum that keeps your teeth looking clean no matter what" some blonde woman says as Yazoo walks past her. "Has she been stalking me?" Yazoo thinks as he pops one into his mouth. Out of nowhere, these crazy ninjas fall out of the sky. "What does this have to do with gum?" Yazoo drops the packet. They prepare to fight, but Yazoo takes out the Velvet Nightmare and shoots one of them. They start to kung fu fight in the street while trying to dodge all these passing cars and missles. "This commercial's getting weird!" Yazoo dodges some toy airplane. He jumps onto a building and shoots at the last two ninjas below. One is shot, but the other jumps up at him. "Your fly's open!" Yazoo points. The ninja stops in midair and falls unconcious due to shock. Yazoo turns to the camera and smiles, with a humongous glow, and gives them a thumbs up. "Fabulous! And so ends another shining mouth story with Revolving gum, keeping your mouth and teeth looking clean, no matter what!" the blonde woman holds up a packet of gum, but is soon shot by Yazoo. "I knew she was stalking me" he thinks.

"That was the best I've seen since I hired that other woman to do that when Bahamut was here!" Joe cheers. "Do I get paid now?" Yazoo asks. "Yep! Here's 200 Gil for your work!" Joe gives hands it to him. "Thanks. I just scored 200 Gil!" Yazoo holds up the money with the victory music in the background. Cloud busts in and starts to run Yazoo down. "Stop stealing my music!" Cloud yells while swinging his sword wildly. "I'm sorry, brother!" Yazoo runs out of the studio.


End file.
